Wednesday, April 8, 2020
These are unprecedented times in which we must social distance and quarantine and all the things that go with staying away from each other so we don't get Covid-19. You probably won't remember any of this when you get older so I thought I would leave this message here for you for someday when you understand.
Yesterday, I went to your house to bring you milk and juice which your Mommy and Daddy had a hard time getting for you. I called your Mommy on the phone to tell her I was on the way after I got off work. You see, I still have to work and I am so scared to be working. I work with a bunch of men that quite frankly have the hardest time social distancing!!! Not to mention how you hear rumors about this family member or that family member of these guys not feeling well and testing for Covid-19. No one ever mentions if their family members test negative so your left wondering if everything is OK.
You were so excited to hear my voice and you wanted me to see your new Olaf bed!!! Oh boy, I could hear the excitement in your voice and you kept saying come on Gigi, come on....lol I told you I was on my way and would see you in a few minutes.
Girl you are the moon, the stars, the sunshine, the rain that brings flowers, and the best of everything this world has to offer. When you sit on my lap my heart fills with the essence of everything about you. Your smell, your hair, the feel of the weight of your body. Peace comes over me and my heart swells with so much love. The last time you stayed at my house you woke up from your nap and saw me right beside you and you sat up real quick and gave me the biggest hug. That was the first time you did something like that on your own. At that point I knew you felt the same way about me as I feel about you. You are my girl!!!! There's no one like you and no words to explain the bond I have with you. I have been so blessed to be a part of your life from the moment you were born. Your Mommy and Daddy have included us in every part of your life.
When I arrived at your house you were standing in the doorway waiting for me. You had painted Papa and I a picture you wanted to give me. You saw me get out of the car with my mask on and asked me what was wrong with my mouth. I laughed and took off one corner of my mask to show you I was OK and you smiled. I know you don't understand it. But I wanted to protect you. I brought the milk and the juice up to the front door but maintained my 6 foot distance. You looked so pretty with your hair up and your red valentine Minnie mouse tee shirt on that I bought you months ago. You are the most beautiful sight in the world to me. I can't take my eyes off of you. I told you you looked so pretty!
You showed me your Frozen tattoos that you had on your arm. You were so adorable. It feels like time just flew so fast in that moment. I knew I could not go into your house. So I turned around to get back in my car. You were standing in the door way waving to me saying goodbye and I was in my car waving saying goodbye. I couldn't even hug you or kiss you like I would normally do but I wanted to do so badly. (Every time I hug and kiss you, you turn around and sit in my lap) There you were at the door realizing I was leaving and you started to cry...….that absolutely broke my heart my dear sweet girl. I can't get that picture out of my mind. Your Mommy picked you up and you snuggled into her neck crying. By now your Mommy is crying and I am crying.
I cried all the way home because I kept picturing you standing there so sad when I left. It breaks my heart into a million pieces. Even this morning when I woke up, I started all over again because a picture of you standing in that doorway came to mind. I think of you everyday.
My Emma this Covid-19 thing is the worst thing I have faced in my lifetime! I'm angry, I'm afraid, and I'm frustrated!!! Why didn't we see this coming and stop it when the first cases came to the United States. Now we have the most dangerous, contagious virus rampaging through our population. No vaccine, no medicine, no cure! The only way to stop it is distancing ourselves and quarantine. Oh, and wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands. We've been told the next two weeks were going to be the toughest. We are not even supposed to go to the grocery store. I haven't been inside a grocery store in a month. I have been ordering on line and picking it up. Why??? Because I am scared. I'm scared to get this Covid-19 because I have asthma and I'm at risk for my age.
Emma, I want to see you get married someday. I want to experience every part of your growing up into a young lady. You have a lifetime ahead of you. I must protect you. Even though yesterday hurt me more than anything I ever had to do, it's for the best for both of us. My prayers for you daily are that you will remain healthy, that you Mommy and Daddy remain healthy, and that your Papa and I remain healthy. It is the most horrible thing to be scared and afraid everyday of your life, but I will do anything to make sure you do not get sick. That is why we cannot be together right now.
One day when this is over, I am going to take you in my arms and hold you and hug you and breath the essence of you again. I will not ever take a moment for granted nor an opportunity to tell you and show you how much I love you. My wish is for you to know what you mean to me in every aspect of my life here on earth. You are a blessing that God sent to us to cherish and nurture. You are truly loved with my whole heart and soul.
Until we can be together again my dear sweet Emma, I pray for you and our family. Be happy my sweet girl. Gigi loves you so much.